Sometimes, I wonder if I ever treat my friends right, or if I make all the wrong moves towards them. Maybe I've made some small mistakes which have changed our relationships. I feel that way right now about one friend whose identity I shall keep anonymous. An email was sent out to a mutual "contact" and I accidentally got a copy of the long trail without their knowledge. A small comment about me was made in that trail, and even though that comment may seem trivial to some, it's now lodged permanently in my brain. I will not disclose what the comment was, or what brought it on, but it's got me thinking: did I really do that? I thought it was something my friend and I had agreed to together. Now, whenever I receive a text or email, I'm still wondering if anything really has changed or if paranoia has taken over my brain. No matter what happens or whatever may lie in store, I will never tell my friend.
Speaking of relationships, I've always drawn the line at any association or link with married men. Somehow, despite maintaining this stance, something has changed. I've become eerily close to someone who's been married for quite some time. At first, I thought I'd been reading too much into his behaviour around me. A few weeks later, I realised that this wasn't the case. Gradually, the small talk became more personal and he was confiding in me with some of his deepest and darkest secrets. Then came some casual invitations to dinners, parties, concerts etc... and when I queried his wife's presence, he would simply answer, "She can't make it" or "She's busy". I knew exactly what I had to do, and I simply, but slowly, kept my distance. So far, so good.
I guess I'm merely wondering what I've done wrong. I've either given out the wrong signals, or I'm overdoing everything to maintain a solid friendship. Whatever it may be, I need to be in control and be considerate of everyone else's feelings.
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